Alcohol and Surprised Strippers
by those-dreamy-days
Summary: AU/future!fic: Kurt and Blaine are engaged and Sam hires a stripper through his connections for Kurt's bachelor party…a stripper who had an all too familiar voice.


**AN: Just a drabble...one of those moments where you think of a fic you _really _want to read but can't find it anywhere so have to write it yourself. Yeah. One of those.  
Enjoy!**

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Among the strobe lights and smoke and pounding music Kurt tossed his head back into the clammy air, no longer wincing as the spirits burned at the back of his throat. Slamming the shot glass hard onto the table he exhaled heavily, grinning at the cheers and claps he received from his audience. He watched eagerly as Sam raised his - now empty - glass into the air and yelled to grab the attention of the bartender over the heavy dance beats, "This drink…I like it! Another!" and proceeded to wrap his arms around Mike's neck and press a kiss to his cheek with an obnoxiously loud _mwah!_

Kurt zoned out of the group, trying to sift through his drunken brain. He lost track of how many drinks he'd had a while back, but was now in a comfortable place of drunken madness, thoughts of hangovers and Blaine buried by cocktails and vodka shots.

_Mm, Blaine…_he thought. Kurt wondered where his fiancé had been dragged to by his brother and fellow Warblers, his heart only doing a little flutter at the word _fiancé._ It was a year to the day since Blaine proposed, and with the wedding only a week away Kurt and Blaine were practically taken by force off to their separate bachelor parties. "You need to let loose! Get rid of all this wedding stress before the big day!" Finn, Puck, Cooper and even _Burt _had recycled between them. So after a strangely small amount of planning time between Puck and Cooper, they both headed their own ways with promises of _'I won't be too drunk' _and _'Make sure clothes stay on! Especially women Puckerman!' _Kurt vaguely remembered someone saying _'I want him back remembering his sexuality too, please and thank you.' _But he couldn't totally remember who said it or when or why.

"Oi lover boy! Entertainment's here!" Puck boasted proudly, awakening him from his daze and pressing a bottle of something into his hands as the lights dimmed more, the bass deepened and even more smoke was sprayed into the air. Kurt followed Puck's line of vision to a small stage directly in front of them, a long metal pole glinting in the spinning lights.

"Uh, Puck, I thought we agreed no strippers?" Kurt said nervously, eyes never leaving the stage.

"Hummel, just relax and enjoy." Puck said in return

Taking a deep breath, Kurt relaxed back into his seat and raised the bottle to his lips, swallowing a long drag and gulping deeply as three silhouettes appeared within the smoke.

"_Ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for Fantasia and his girls…and keep an eye out for that sizzling tush!"_

"…his?" Kurt spluttered, eyes darting between Sam and the dancing figures, "I promise you'll enjoy it Kurt." Sam replied with a wink.

The three figures became more defined as they approached the front of the stage, the one in the middle (they guy, _oh god it's a guy oh god_) gripping the pole tightly and leaning back, spinning gracefully around it and hanging his head back, exposing what looked like endless lines of neck. Kurt was acutely aware that the two other figures were in fact women and that Puck obviously had a favourite, waving bills back and forth and wolf whistling as she stuck one between her cleavage. His full attention was directed back to centre stage however as the man, _Fantasia,_ stopped just above Kurt with his back facing him, swaying his hips in deep circular motions and it was in that moment that Kurt realised just how tight his black jeans were and that _oh dam _he does have quite a fantastic ass. Kurt tried - he really did - to ignore the interested twitches of his cock as Fantasia slowly pulled off his shirt to reveal many defined miles of _back _and _muscle _and seductively bent over to snatch a bill from an entranced Mike. Kurt watched in awe as the man ran his hands up the back of his thighs to his ass and properly _squeezed _before he spun around to face Kurt. Continuing to move his hands up Fantasia reached his torso and gripped at the back of his neck before feeding his hands through thick hair and rolling his hips all at the same time, his movements doing awful things to Kurt's now half-hard cock.

He resisted the urge to palm himself through his jeans as Fantasia climbed seductively (seriously how does someone climb seductively?) down from the stage and swayed with the music toward Kurt. He was vaguely aware of heavy thumps on his back and whistles from the group as Fantasia lowered his hips onto Kurt's. Kurt groaned at the friction on his cock and licked his lips as he listened to the whispers in his ear.

"So, I'm guessing you're the lucky hunk…how about one last night of freedom huh sweetie?" he said in a deep, rough voice, gently rocking his hips against Kurt's.

Even through his drunken, horny haze, something in Kurt's mind clicked at that voice. Something in the way he said sweetie…something about the way his voice oozed confidence… And then, just as Fantasia pulled away from Kurt's ear to meet his eyes, lips inches from touching; everything clicked.

"_SEBASTIAN?" _Kurt yelled, reeling back in horror.

"Kurt! Oh my god! I- I didn't even – I-" he stammered, looking anywhere but at Kurt, the once body confident stripper now folding his arms across his chest and seeming extremely conscious of himself.

Kurt couldn't blame him however, throwing one leg over the other in an attempt to get rid of his erection. _Kurt has an erection over Sebastian Smythe, oh fuck._

"What are you- how did you- how did I- did you not-" Kurt fell over his own words, a combination of alcohol and shock reducing his normally wide and fluent vocabulary down to utterly shit speaking.

"I…um..you see…" Sebastian appeared to be in a similar situation.

But it was in that moment that, not for the first time in his life, Kurt wanted to _kiss _Noah Puckerman. As he would discover later, apparently he became too frisky with 'his' stripper, and her body guard appeared to tell him to cool it off. Ever so eager Puck refused to agree however, and was now in the middle of being hauled through the crowds, kicking and screaming, by three bouncers.

"Puck!" Finn hollered after him, chasing them, "Come on guys, it was an honest mistake! He's just horny! Dammit Puck!"

Kurt made eye contact with a dumb-struck Sam and Mike, who were still staring between Kurt and Sebastian and Sebastian's naked torso, and glared until they were helping him to his stumbling feet.

"I think we'll all agree when I say _this never happened,_" Kurt slurred, appreciating the quick nods and "yup's" from both men.

Sebastian watched as Kurt stumbled through the crowd toward the exit, arms huddled around his still bare torso as he felt embarrassment settle deep within him. His dance partner Vicky approached him carefully, wrapping an arm around his waist, "Was that _the _Kurt Hummel?" she asked curiously, "As in, Blaine and Kurt Hummel?"

"Yup," he sighed, "Looks like they really did mean forever…"

Retreating back to his dressing room, Sebastian filed through his suitcase in search of one thing in particular, smiling softly as he pulled out a crinkled and worn envelope.

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A week later, and Kurt Hummel-Anderson sat in his reception as he and his husband (_husband_) listened to various speeches: cringing and laughing and crying alike.

"…and then, behold, the stripper turned out to be…I feel like I should apologise Blaine, I'm ever so sorry but…the one and only, Sebastian Smythe." Sam explained, and _seriously _Kurt was about to _murder_ him as Blaine turned in his seat slowly and looked at Kurt expectantly, blinking only once as Kurt's mouth formed around soundless phrases.

Then suddenly, from a table in the corner came the announcement, "Guilty as charged!" All Kurt and Blaine –or, _'Klaine'_ as their place card read- could do was simply stare wide-eyed at Sebastian as he raised his glass and, with a cheeky wink, wished them many more happy and healthy years together.

"To Kurt and Blaine!"

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**Thank you for reading! Reviews for my strange AUs would be much appreciated!**  
**Also, for anyone who is reading 'Curiosity Is The Parent Of Attention', I'm working on the next chapter :)**  
**Thanks again! :D**


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